Am i living the way I am FOR the society or Am i living the way I am BECAUSE of it ?

As I was traveling to my college today, a strange thought struck me.
“Am i living the way I am FOR the society or Am i living the way I am BECAUSE of it ?”

“What’s the difference ? Why on earth do you think of all such things ? As if you don’t have enough work on hand. There’s a project due next week you escapist” my MIND said.

I could feel a smile at the answer of my mind. And I knew immediately I was in trouble. It was my HEART ! Now, this thought is not going to escape me unless I sort it out. So I had to delve into it.

My heart did not say anything further. And yet I felt very uncomfortable. Then as ever my mind had to speak up.

“So, what’s the difference in living FOR the society and living BECAUSE of it ?” it asked.

“The same difference that exists between what you wanted to become and what you became” my heart replied.

“Oh Great ! Well, I’m doing my Master’s degree in one of the prestigious universities in the world. I am working in a field that is going to revolutionalize the world in the times to come. I am living in one of the best countries of the world comfort wise. My parents are here. What else can I ask for ? I am living as per law, rightly and for my parents, for my friends, for the society and more importantly according to it ! So, whatever I became, even if its BECAUSE of the society, its great !”

“Oh that’s awesome ! But then if you are living for the society, for your friends and for your parents, can you tell me how many of them are going to really miss you when you are not here anymore as of today ? Imagine if you are not a part of the world for a week. How many people are going to feel sad and how many of them are going to miss you even for that week ?”

It was my mind’s turn to be silent. :( It wanted to say “My professor for my work and My parents”, but then it knew that my heart was in no mood for jokes. The relation between my professor and me was more like work for money and for a better future. So, him missing me is him feeling the monetary loss for the investment he made in me than really missing me. The relation making my parents miss me is love. And I should say, it is more of an one-side love. Else, why is that I am writing this blog instead of spending more time with my mother who has travelled thousands of miles, across oceans and continents into a strange land just to ensure that I am well taken care of here. So, I cannot claim that I lived for them enough and feel happy about their missing me.

“So, no one is going to miss you for you are as of today Sai. That’s because you never lived FOR them dear. You have always lived BECAUSE of them. :)”

My mind said “10 more minutes and my bus stop will arrive. The guest speaker of the class today is a Maha Thope of his field. Should be a great experience”

“Dear, as a child of 3 years you wanted to become a car driver. At 10 you thought that was a childish idea. You wanted to play cricket but then avoided it for life it because someone said you can’t run between wickets. In 10th class of your school, you wanted to become a doctor, but then took up the route of engineering because you could not draw well and felt cutting cockroaches was disgusting. You took up Electrical Engineering because you could not get Communication Engineering in the college you wanted. After graduating as an Electrical Engineer, you took up a job in a software company because no one else was offering you a job and that big a money. So, it was no surprise you did not like that job as you never had genuine interest in it. And over a period of time you started hating it. And now you are in the U.S. trying to Master a subject in which you never were into from the start, got your parents here because you couldn’t cook well and worse now consider yourself a great individual living FOR the society doing work that is going to revolutionalize the world ?” my heart began to laugh heartily. :(

My mind was shocked.

“So, what do you want me to do ? Drive a car for everyone like I wanted to do in 3 years ? I AM ONLY DOING WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO. THAT IS WHAT EVERYONE DOES” my mind replied furiously. Guess it was hurt. Truth does hurt. :(

“When you do what you are supposed to do and because everyone does it, that’s what is called living because of the society”, my heart replied.

“Ok agreed. So what if I lived because of the society ? I am doing great as it is ! ” My mind said.

“You are doing great. You have been doing fantastic and will do too. But you know what I feel Sai ? When praises drive you to work more than passion, When feeling greatness than being goodness is what makes you do the things you do, When you follow the rules of the society rather than the directions of the heart, when trying to be different is what you want rather than creating the difference, when order in life is what becomes important than doing the right thing you might become great but I am never sure if you will feel happy”

“No, I am happy and will be too”, said my mind.
“No you are not and will not be no matter what”, said my heart.

“How do you know ?” my mind asked.

“Because happiness is a feeling and feelings belong to me and experienced by me, not you dear. So unless I am happy you cannot know it and I know what makes me happy”, said my heart. “That is why everyone says ‘I love you with all my heart’ than saying ‘I love you with all my mind’. That is why everyone says ‘I give my heart and life to you’ than saying ‘I give my mind and life to you’. ”

“So, what do you want me to do now ? Leave this work and start gazing at clouds, smelling flowers sing songs and serve humanity ? You know what ? I would ruin myself and people will call me mad”

“hahaa.. Naa dear. That’s true. People will certainly call you mad if you act in such brainless ways of throwing away what you have, for something that will not make you worth living. You’ll be crazy if you don’t use your mind. And you’ll be heartless if you are only mindful of what people think of you. The key is to find a balance. Find a balance and find a way of making the mind do what the heart wants rather than make the heart adjust to the decisions of the mind. When the mind follows the heart, difficulties might arise, questions might be asked, feelings may be laughed at but, but most importantly you begin to live. You begin to fight for a cause. You start doing the right thing. You care least for the name but you focus more on the cause you live for. And when life is based on such fundamentals of truth and love, happiness is only an event waiting to happen. But on the contrary, when the heart follows the mind, life becomes a compromise. The entire forces of mind are used only to control the desires of the heart. You start to focus on the name you get while you live and after you pass away rather than living the life for the purpose it was given. And dear, its better to adjust with difficulties in life than compromise on life itself.”

“Dear, neither live totally for the society nor live totally because of it. Live in a way, that the society of tomorrow tells its people that it wants them to live like you. And if that needs you to fight the society rules of yesterday, do it with all your heart and mind today. That is what will give a meaning to your life. After all, the whole purpose and meaning to human life lies in what you were to others and that cannot be achieved if you are only just a part of others, follow their rules blindly especially when you know it is wrong. Challenges pose difficulties to life, but then they also add meaning to the same. Questions asked can be insulting, but finding the answers is what will define the purpose of life. This is a choice for everyone. Live like the 6 billion around you or make the 6 billion live the right way and the way you want even if means for 70 years of your life you will be questioned and considered mad. Atleast as a mind, you’ll feel happy about yourself. And as a heart, that is what I think is right. What do you say ?”

“The bus stop has come. I need to focus on the class.” Said the Mind.