That little bit of truth !

A little bit of truth. Nothing has hurt lives more than that "little bit of truth". Have you ever wondered, how when two people argue, each believes passionately in their view because of that "little bit of truth".

You are a good person, yet I want my daughter to be happy. And how can she be happy with your problems that she cannot surmount? – said a Mother to me. She had a little bit of truth.

You deserve to study, however I am a person with limited financial means. I have to take care of the whole family also. Think beyond your own selfishness – commented a father in front of me. He had a little bit of truth.

A belief in God gives me peace. I do not care whether God truly exists, but if God isn’t there, I want God to be created even as a lie – stated a friend. My friend too had a little bit of truth.

I have often seen how that small fragment of truth – that little sliver – strikes people’s lives harder than any lie ever can. We often surrender our dreams, hopes, beliefs, passions, and even our whole life to that truth. We use 'Sacrifice' as a word to give into that truth. And when I think of it each time, it is remarkable how something so small of a thought with the mask of wisdom and truth can carry such weight, how it can hurt and divide people and how people refuse to see beyond their own reality.

Looking back now, my life has been dedicated to fighting such small truths in each phase. No, I deserve to be educated – I told my family. No, I can travel till I faint of exhaustion – I told my neighbours, who queried on my abilities to live or travel independently. No, I will go to the ends of earth just to experience the beauty of life – I told myself when I doctor aggressively suggested me to have one leg amputated, rest for a few months, and not risk further infections.

Each time, I stood up for myself, I received resistance from others. From people speaking their perspective. Rather 'their truth'. And when I defied their truths, they were quick to judge too. 

But in those moments of defiance, I wish I could say I discovered something greater: the strength to live on my terms, to carve my own path, to refuse the limits others would place upon me. I wish I could share that inspiring line. However, in those moments of defiance, I discovered not that inspiration, but something darker. 

I have come to realize through my life that our life’s realities will be shaped by the truths we choose to accept and the ones we dare to challenge. But then, our own inner peace, confidence, happiness, and all other good emotions are often shaped in those silent nights, where our spirit places doubts on our true nature. In those dark ungodly hours, our conscience questions each moment of us and we turn vulnerable. We feel stirred, trying to silence questions on who we truly are! I realized the truth that - Choosing our own path makes us feel lonely. No matter how many people surround us on the journey.

Yet, not choosing such a path would also fill us with regret. Now, I had also given onto and surrendered other people’s notions of truth frequently. I tried doing what other people's truths wanted me to do. And I have realized that each time I surrendered my own true, humanly desires for the sake of someone else’s truth, a small piece of my spirit decayed. I felt suffocated and defeated. I turned angry and resentful. And what I learned is this – living by the standards of others may bring temporary peace, but it is a hollow peace. It is a peace that fades quickly and leaves behind only the bitter taste of what could have been.

So, in a battle between any two truths then dear, it comes down to that fundamental question – which truth will you allow to define your life? Will you choose loneliness or a decaying spirit? I pray you can live with the hypocrisy that sometimes you chose yourself and sometimes others. Yet, it actually comes down to your instincts and people around you. Honestly, no one was born with a manual of how to live. And even if they did, I would want to toss that manual into fire as soon as possible! For why would I want to follow a wise book of instructions when I can write my own story in the only life I have ever got? In fact, why would I ever let someone else’s words fill my life’s pages when the pen to write my destiny is in my own hand? And even if such a writing were to actually punish me with loneliness, guilt, and hurt for the rest of my life, why should I feel that to be an unbearable burden? So, in the spirit of that thought, let me fill the page of my book's story say with this saying finally.

"My Dearest Sahana,

I was, by all accounts, born as an incapable, limited, and ill-suited individual for certain grand dreams. Yet, for reasons unknown to me, my heart cried out to chase those very dreams. Each night, my instincts, fantasies, and imaginations wept for those dreams with all the passion I could feel. And so, unable to bear that burden anymore, I chased my dreams eventually. In the prime of my youth, I committed to them. Each time. Every time. I defied my parents. I lived wildly. And, on most occasions, I failed. Miserably. I would feel the sting of my stupidity then and consider myself wiser because of the experience. I was also filled with loneliness on many days. I cried. I cried and cried in a small 6x4 foot room in three different countries. And then, when I couldn’t cry anymore actually, I began to write about it too. I wrote for myself initially and to you in later part of life. And through such writing, I also realized something significant silently. A thought has come upon me slowly. A feeling has overwhelmed me eventually that although I had failed many times in life, I have also lived authentically. I have lived foolishly dear, but authentically too. Also, I have not let the restraints imposed by others and the truth of the words of the others to limit the spirit with which I wanted to live. And as long as I live, I will never let that happen to me. Not only to me. But I will not let anyone, any word, or any feeling restrain you too or any other. No matter how thoughtless your desires are. Let me tell you my dearest, the two feelings – authenticity and foolishness –  may seem opposed to you each time you make a decision. The wise ones with all the love they have will warn you of the risks, even as your own heart dares you plunge in.  And when you confront such contrasting emotions within you, you must realize that the two opposing feelings have to exist together. Exist within you every moment. Exist every time you make a choice. And as you let them live within you for as long as possible. The two feelings must exist until they merge  into an honest foolishness. Only then you will begin to find your truest self. You will act with an unapologetic approach. You will begin to come alive. And as you learn to slowly turn a blind eye to embrace the world’s judgmental eyes on your foolishness dear, you will eventually let the spirit of your heart come to the fore to the fullest. And that is your purpose, my dear. A never ending pursuit to let your spirit live to the fullest. Generations of our family have come together to give this beautiful opportunity of life to you. So, embrace that gift and reveal who you are to the world dear. No matter how much it judges you. You were born in the world, not for the world. Experience it to the wildest of your capabilities and dreams. And when you do so, even against anyone's or everyone's wishes, be rest assured, I will love everything about you. I will love you with every little bit I have to my last breath and more. You are mine and will always be. Your spirit, your choices, and your joys is what I wish to see. So, do not let the world dim your foolish authenticity by any means. 

For you, Because of you - Sai Prasad Vishwanathan"