My India - The Best Country ? - Part 1

Almost an year into my Stay away from my India, I decided I’ll finally feel the question that has been pounding my heart ever since my departure from there.

“Sai, do you think my India is really the best country in the world ?”, my heart asked.

“hahaahaa, What sort of a funny question is this ? And don’t you know my reply, especially when I know that there is every chance that you are going to write a blog out of it whenever you ask such questions ? Come on yaar, India is India ! It is the best no matter what. India rocks man !”, replied my mind.

“Be honest”, asserted my heart.

“Come on dear, Did you not eat the salt of India for 23 years ? And just an year away from our place and you think you are a maha thope who can question the greatness of a country which has a 5000 year culture, which has given the world the Vedas, which is the root of all humanity in the world, which has never invaded another country in its history, which is tolerance personified, moral values exemplified and family values personified ?”, said my mind.

“Don’t you think we are just a little too over glorified ?” asked my heart.

“You are provoking me dear ! You are supposed to be very kind in nature but only I know that when it comes to arguments with me, you are the most cruel and ruthless. The world calls you a conscience for your ruthlessness but will call me a selfish person with a cunning ‘mind’, someone with no values and someone who has forgotten his roots too soon on speaking the truth. Its unfair yaar. So, no more arguments. INDIA IS THE BEST. Anyways, aren’t you an Indian yourself too ? Don’t you know what to feel when such a question is asked ? Why do you even ask me ? :( You are an Indian and you have to feel yourself as the best whenever such thoughts come and trust me you are too ! Please be patriotic and faithful to the salt you ate”, finished my mind.

“Yes dear, you are very true. If you think patriotism as a thought that your country is the best in the world just because YOU were born in it, then my India is the BEST. And no second thoughts about it. But don’t you think such a patriotic thought of calling YOUR country as the best just because YOU were born there in it, is just another form of ego ? An ego that is concealed by a beautiful name ? And anyways, as of now, just between us, I am asking you to answer it with a real patriotic feeling not a patriotic thought ! ”, said my heart.

“Patriotic feeling ? What’s the difference between patriotic thought and patriotic feeling ?” asked my mind.

“Patriotic thought is to ‘think’ that your country is the best in the world no matter what just because YOU were born in it ! It is protecting and defending your right to think so. Patriotic feeling is to ‘feel’ that your country must become the best and start working towards making it if it is not ! And you can only work towards making it the best only when you accept it isn’t and see where it isn’t ! So, unless you let me know that it isn’t and start working towards it, please do not think you have patriotic feelings. You are just being egoistic as ever ! You only have patriotic thoughts and not patriotic feelings. Anyways no more talking about this. Go ahead, think India is the best” Said my heart.

“Heyyy, What’s this ! What sin did I commit that makes you always torture me in such ways ! Please do let me go. God gave you free will, independence and a good brand name no matter what you say. People will associate all good things with you no matter what. But my friends and people do not do that to me. I have to live with them and their thoughts about me for the next few decades and how can I live with them if I don’t call and think of them as the best ? Infact how can I live with myself if I did not think so ? Please yaar, understand.”

“Hypocrite”, Said my heart.

“Oh if I am a hypocrite, then you are nothing but a bunch of secret feelings. And if I am Hypocrite, big deal, so be it ! I am being a hypocrite only to you, not to my people”, replied my agitated mind.

“Hyprocrite you are not being to me, but to your people own you dumbo !”

“Ok ok, don’t even bother about what I am. No one will want to find it out except you. And even if they did too, they are not going to hang me. They are all the same as me. So, please sleep now. There is a mid term next week. By the way, know what ? The orkut photos of us is not looking great these days ! Need to put on some weight. What say ?”, said my mind trying to divert the topic.

There was silence from the heart.

“Are you there ?” asked my mind.
No reply from the heart.
“Hello, are you there ? there ? Echoooooo”, tried my mind once again.

“Ok.. Stop your satyagraha now ! I give up. Please do speak. Else I cannot sleep the whole night !” begged my mind.

No reply yet.

“I promise I’ll be honest and say what I think” offered my mind.

My heart was not yet moved. No reply.

“And people say you are very tender and you are easily moved ! Ok now.. Final deal. You can also write a blog about it and I don’t care what people would think of me. So, please do speak now !”

There was a sudden feeling of happiness rushing into the blood.

“Promise ?” asked my heart.

“Bribe works even with the heart. No wonder it is the most sought after in our place. When It works with you, it should work with anyone !”, thought my mind to itself.

“Promise ?, Do you promise that you’ll honestly express your thoughts on the topic and then write a blog on it” asked my heart again.

“Dear, don’t you know me and my ability to keep promises ?” replied my mind in a satirical tone.

“That is the reason I am asking you. If you fail to be honest, I’ll haunt you for life ! And you know how that feeling can be”, warned my heart.

“Ok ok. I promise”

“So, do you feel that India is the best country in the world ?”, asked my heart.
“Well I feel my India can be the best country in the world”, replied my mind.
“I need honesty. Not diplomatism please” said my heart authoritatively.

“Hmm.. ok yaar.. its not. Agreed.. Enough ? India isn’t the best country in the world. Its 11 in the night now. I am feeling very sleepy and want to sleep. Bye”, said my mind turning on the Ipod and falling into a trance.

My India - The Best Country ? - Part 2

At 2:30 in the night, I suddenly woke up. The ipod just finished playing “chaiyya chaiyya” and started playing “Dil sey rey..” I felt thirsty.

I grabbed a glass of water, checked the time and switched off the alarm that would be ringing in another 30 minutes. As I was pulling over the pillow over me to sleep again and felt its cozy warmth, a silent voice asked “Why isn’t it the best ?”

“What ? What is why isn’t it the best ? What are you talking about ? Oh, the movie ? I guess that movie had no script to it. Hence it flopped. Just because Malaika danced to an A.R.Rehman tune doesn’t mean the movie must be a hit. Even Mangal pandey had good music. Was it a hit ?” Said my mind.

“I am asking you why do you think India is not the best country in the world ?”

“What ? Which dumbo on the planet said so ? Shoot that Namak Halal with a gun.” said my mind.

“You said it !”, said my heart.
“Huh ! What ? When ? What’s the proof ? ” asked my mind.
“The promise !”, reminded my heart.

“Hmm.. Will you never give up ?” asked my mind.
“When you don’t, why should I ?”, replied my heart proudly.

“Its 2:45 in the night yaar. Are you crazy ? You forced some thoughts out of me before i went to sleep and are asking me to justify that now ? You are a sadist !”

“Yes, I am crazy and sadist. That is the reason all love & hatred comes from me and all reasons & logic to do so from you. Right now I want reasons from you for your thoughts about India not being best in the world.”

“Hmm.. Anyways, ok yaar.. I tell you.. I’m not being diplomatic but the truth is my India can become the best in the world. But will it ? I’m not so sure.”

“Ours is a country that got independence from a ruler who ruled us on DIVIDE AND RULE principle. But then I think we achieved independence only from the ruler but not from the rule.” Said my mind.

“Hmm.. What do you mean ?” questioned my mind.

“I mean everything. From classifying a newly born child to choosing with which child must the parents stay during old age, everything is still based on divide and rule principle.

A boy child is preferred over a girl child at birth – Division at the time of very birth based on Gender. Two girl children in the same family and the society is extremely happy ! Not for the family but for the mountain of life that the family has to climb before it gets the respect of the society.

At education again, the division begins on gender basis. The boy child begins to rule. But then i pity the boy for getting the preferrence. It is just the beginning of hell. They are put into education which is nothing short of a training to hate your fellow being and compete with him/her in the name of cut throat competition. Just 7 technological and 6 management institutes of international repute for a population of over a billion. 5000 seats for over a crore people. Those who make it are considered THE BEST. Those who didn’t are treated as B Grade movies and need to put up with the stigma associated with it for the rest of their lives no matter what.

My heart, where hardwork meets opportunity, genious is born. But then where opportunity is given based on the karma done by forefathers, fate is accepted. I don’t even dare to speak of that topic. I’m accept it as my fate and I blame my grandfather for it. That guy didn’t allow his friend to come into his village and school, so in return i should not go into a university which I rightfully deserve on merit. By making two wrongs, we will do a right.

And so now at age 25 you have a boy who has accepted his fate, a girl who thinks that life is unfair. Adding salt to injury is when the girl is all of a sudden married to this boy, because its time, through a system that exists for getting society’s respect than for creating each other’s love !

And i love my country inspite of all this. You know why ? Because it has found a way and taught me to fight this division and live through it. It is called “adjusting”. It represents corruption. As per this way, if you cannot go to the university you deserve for a degree, then buy the degree from a printing press ! University degrees are worth a few thousand rupees. Jobs arising out of them worth a few lakh rupees and the society has said that all this can be again collected from the girl’s family as dowry at the time of marriage.

And so what is morally corruption, is treated as investment. The higher you invest, the more is the return. And the higher your returns, the lesser are the unfulfilled needs of life and more is the happiness. And with lesser needs, more happiness in life, you become a good man and eligible for salvation.

Where on earth can you find such romantic naughtiness in a system which has righted two wrongs beautifully and made happiness even in what should have been sheer misery, wrongness and injustice. And no country in the world can claim to have done this with a 100 crore people for 60 continous years after freedom. And that is why i think my India can be the best but am not sure if it will be. It is hard to fight a system to has learn to adjust to misery than fight to live with happiness.

And these are just divisions at birth and education on gender and opportunity basis. It is just the beginning. The real fun is the division based on religion and caste. When you see that there is a Brahmin community, a Reddy community, a Naidu community, an Iyer community, a Telugu community, a Tamil community, a Gujarati community and every possible community on the planet except an “Indian community”, imagine how deep is our Divide and Rule principle ! To be belonging to a community is our birthright and we will have it, Use it and Propogate it ! That is our way to salvation after death and we will not give it up. To live in hell so that we can go to heaven after we die is our motto.

And know what my heart ? I am very happy that by not respecting, not loving and not caring for every person equally when I live, I am going to heaven after I die ! God is great ! I love him and it is for his love I am facing all this.", finished my mind.

“ Hmm, when you see so many problems why don’t you do something to change this ?” asked my heart.

“ What ? Who said they are problems ? Are you an idiot ? Come on yaar..See the west ! They are the ones with problems. They are shameless. Firstly, they don’t even respect their parents. Focus on making wealth by loosing health and then spend all the wealth to get back the health. Is that a life too ? And see how unfaithful they are to each other. See how insecure and lonely their life is. See how careless they are for a fellow person.”

“Compare them with our place, my neighbour is after me and news about me more than his/her own child :-). And that is because of love. Isn’t it ? I’m always compared with someone who is better than me so that I feel encouraged to become them and spend my life doing it. Where can you find such people who think for you and only about you ? :-) If I was in Infosys, I am encouraged to target Microsoft.. If I am in Microsoft, I am encouraged to work onsite.. And if I am onsite, I am encouraged to take care of my parents by getting them there and if I take them there I am encouraged to come back to our country and do something for it. Amazing man.. ! Our love and care can make a Software Engineer out of a Writer, a Doctor out of a Painter, a Manager out of an Engineer and literally anyone out of someone. ”

“In short a looser out of a winner”, said my heart.

“How dare you say that ! Don’t you know that 30 % of Microsoft are Indians, U.S. rocks because of Indians, there isn’t a country and company in the world who’s growth doesn’t have the contribution of a talented Indian.. How dare you call us Indians loosers ? We are all rounders and we like to think so”

“So, why don’t you do something about it ?” asked my heart.
“About what ?” my mind asked.

“About all these problems !” asked my heart.

“Arey again and again I ask, are you crazy or what ? Who said they are problems ? My country is the best in the world. It is shining ! It is going to lead the world in 2020. Even if it doesn’t, we have bollywood. we will make a movie and show people on how it will feel to lead the world, just like we made Chak De India showing our Women’s hockey team winning the world cup. We are living on the principle, “If you cannot be, feel to be !” And if you cannot feel so, treat this world as Maaya. Heaven is full of Indians and there we are the best and the most represented because we lived our lives the 'right' way. We faced our karma without complaint rather than doing any karma that you want me to do to change. We understood that life on earth is just transitory and can end any moment. So why worry about it ? Plus this is Kaliyuga, doing anything and everything is considered sinful in these times. We will adjust in this Yuga and through time and not work, we will become the best. But know what heart ? I only pity the west. They do not know all such things. They think they are the best and that they will remain the best. Poor guys, when they shall die, they will know the truth. They will go to hell for kissing the one they love in public, they will go to hell for choosing to live away from their parents and they will go to hell to suffer for enjoying here instead of suffering. But we, who can evetease in public, we have the largest number of old age homes in the world, we who have the largest number of hostels in the world, we who will deny equal opportunities to everyone, we who will consider disability as a "purva janma paapa" instead of creating facilities to counter the same, we will suffer here and will not work to change but then by suffering selflessly and accepting our karma as such, we will please God, Go to heaven and Enjoy there. Till then let the west think they are the best, while we will sacrifice, suffer and wait for death to show them who really are the best. What say ?” asked my mind.

“Hmm.. I am not sure what to say. But I am just reminded of a couple of lines from a famous movie”, Said my heart.

“And what is that ?” asked my mind.

“Ab bhi Khoon Jiska Naa Khaula, Khoon Nahin Woh Paani Hain. Joh Desh Kay Kaam Naa Avey Who Bekar Jawaani Hain”, replied my heart.

“Ya ya sleep now ustad, there’s a mid term next week and i cannot get my returns for the investment if i don't study well and get a job !”, said my mind.

My heart didn't say a word anymore..

Am i living the way I am FOR the society or Am i living the way I am BECAUSE of it ?

As I was traveling to my college today, a strange thought struck me.
“Am i living the way I am FOR the society or Am i living the way I am BECAUSE of it ?”

“What’s the difference ? Why on earth do you think of all such things ? As if you don’t have enough work on hand. There’s a project due next week you escapist” my MIND said.

I could feel a smile at the answer of my mind. And I knew immediately I was in trouble. It was my HEART ! Now, this thought is not going to escape me unless I sort it out. So I had to delve into it.

My heart did not say anything further. And yet I felt very uncomfortable. Then as ever my mind had to speak up.

“So, what’s the difference in living FOR the society and living BECAUSE of it ?” it asked.

“The same difference that exists between what you wanted to become and what you became” my heart replied.

“Oh Great ! Well, I’m doing my Master’s degree in one of the prestigious universities in the world. I am working in a field that is going to revolutionalize the world in the times to come. I am living in one of the best countries of the world comfort wise. My parents are here. What else can I ask for ? I am living as per law, rightly and for my parents, for my friends, for the society and more importantly according to it ! So, whatever I became, even if its BECAUSE of the society, its great !”

“Oh that’s awesome ! But then if you are living for the society, for your friends and for your parents, can you tell me how many of them are going to really miss you when you are not here anymore as of today ? Imagine if you are not a part of the world for a week. How many people are going to feel sad and how many of them are going to miss you even for that week ?”

It was my mind’s turn to be silent. :( It wanted to say “My professor for my work and My parents”, but then it knew that my heart was in no mood for jokes. The relation between my professor and me was more like work for money and for a better future. So, him missing me is him feeling the monetary loss for the investment he made in me than really missing me. The relation making my parents miss me is love. And I should say, it is more of an one-side love. Else, why is that I am writing this blog instead of spending more time with my mother who has travelled thousands of miles, across oceans and continents into a strange land just to ensure that I am well taken care of here. So, I cannot claim that I lived for them enough and feel happy about their missing me.

“So, no one is going to miss you for you are as of today Sai. That’s because you never lived FOR them dear. You have always lived BECAUSE of them. :)”

My mind said “10 more minutes and my bus stop will arrive. The guest speaker of the class today is a Maha Thope of his field. Should be a great experience”

“Dear, as a child of 3 years you wanted to become a car driver. At 10 you thought that was a childish idea. You wanted to play cricket but then avoided it for life it because someone said you can’t run between wickets. In 10th class of your school, you wanted to become a doctor, but then took up the route of engineering because you could not draw well and felt cutting cockroaches was disgusting. You took up Electrical Engineering because you could not get Communication Engineering in the college you wanted. After graduating as an Electrical Engineer, you took up a job in a software company because no one else was offering you a job and that big a money. So, it was no surprise you did not like that job as you never had genuine interest in it. And over a period of time you started hating it. And now you are in the U.S. trying to Master a subject in which you never were into from the start, got your parents here because you couldn’t cook well and worse now consider yourself a great individual living FOR the society doing work that is going to revolutionalize the world ?” my heart began to laugh heartily. :(

My mind was shocked.

“So, what do you want me to do ? Drive a car for everyone like I wanted to do in 3 years ? I AM ONLY DOING WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO DO. THAT IS WHAT EVERYONE DOES” my mind replied furiously. Guess it was hurt. Truth does hurt. :(

“When you do what you are supposed to do and because everyone does it, that’s what is called living because of the society”, my heart replied.

“Ok agreed. So what if I lived because of the society ? I am doing great as it is ! ” My mind said.

“You are doing great. You have been doing fantastic and will do too. But you know what I feel Sai ? When praises drive you to work more than passion, When feeling greatness than being goodness is what makes you do the things you do, When you follow the rules of the society rather than the directions of the heart, when trying to be different is what you want rather than creating the difference, when order in life is what becomes important than doing the right thing you might become great but I am never sure if you will feel happy”

“No, I am happy and will be too”, said my mind.
“No you are not and will not be no matter what”, said my heart.

“How do you know ?” my mind asked.

“Because happiness is a feeling and feelings belong to me and experienced by me, not you dear. So unless I am happy you cannot know it and I know what makes me happy”, said my heart. “That is why everyone says ‘I love you with all my heart’ than saying ‘I love you with all my mind’. That is why everyone says ‘I give my heart and life to you’ than saying ‘I give my mind and life to you’. ”

“So, what do you want me to do now ? Leave this work and start gazing at clouds, smelling flowers sing songs and serve humanity ? You know what ? I would ruin myself and people will call me mad”

“hahaa.. Naa dear. That’s true. People will certainly call you mad if you act in such brainless ways of throwing away what you have, for something that will not make you worth living. You’ll be crazy if you don’t use your mind. And you’ll be heartless if you are only mindful of what people think of you. The key is to find a balance. Find a balance and find a way of making the mind do what the heart wants rather than make the heart adjust to the decisions of the mind. When the mind follows the heart, difficulties might arise, questions might be asked, feelings may be laughed at but, but most importantly you begin to live. You begin to fight for a cause. You start doing the right thing. You care least for the name but you focus more on the cause you live for. And when life is based on such fundamentals of truth and love, happiness is only an event waiting to happen. But on the contrary, when the heart follows the mind, life becomes a compromise. The entire forces of mind are used only to control the desires of the heart. You start to focus on the name you get while you live and after you pass away rather than living the life for the purpose it was given. And dear, its better to adjust with difficulties in life than compromise on life itself.”

“Dear, neither live totally for the society nor live totally because of it. Live in a way, that the society of tomorrow tells its people that it wants them to live like you. And if that needs you to fight the society rules of yesterday, do it with all your heart and mind today. That is what will give a meaning to your life. After all, the whole purpose and meaning to human life lies in what you were to others and that cannot be achieved if you are only just a part of others, follow their rules blindly especially when you know it is wrong. Challenges pose difficulties to life, but then they also add meaning to the same. Questions asked can be insulting, but finding the answers is what will define the purpose of life. This is a choice for everyone. Live like the 6 billion around you or make the 6 billion live the right way and the way you want even if means for 70 years of your life you will be questioned and considered mad. Atleast as a mind, you’ll feel happy about yourself. And as a heart, that is what I think is right. What do you say ?”

“The bus stop has come. I need to focus on the class.” Said the Mind.

My CASTE is my life's one Greatest Feeling !

I am an Indian. I am 23. I am working in the field of computers. Have quite a few friends. So, obviously the statistical probability of me being on Orkut portraying myself with my likes and dislikes and spending time with my friends there is quite high :)

And on one such occasion today, when i was on orkut, i saw that i had long back joined a community named " I HAVE NO CASTE, NO RELIGION" !

I was just casually wondering about the reasons I joined such a community. Was it just to show off to my friends and everyone that I do not care for what my caste is ? Was it just to make it a point to everyone that I do not care for a person’s caste ? Was it for the reason that I wanted to tell in the open that I do not use caste as a means to identify a fellow person ?

If all the above were true, then I wondered as to why should i be in a community that expresses I have no feeling about a quality ? ! Something that represents I do not care. Something that shows that I do not give an importance to. If I didn’t care about it, did not give importance to it, and did not even feel the feeling of it, then why even join a community and show the absence of it ?

The first answer my heart gave me then was “Unjoin it”.

But then my mind told me, “ No ! You do not have a caste feeling. You do not distinguish between people based on their caste. So, you rightfully belong to this place of like minded thinkers. Do not unjoin. You belong here. They are ‘YOUR’ sort of people. ”

And it was at this point, I was shocked. My heart questioned, “ ‘YOUR’ sort of people ? What do you mean ? A caste of people thinking they have no caste ? ! And priding themselves in doing that ! You must be worse than those who love caste for atleast they are in love ! But you seem to hate and be indifferent to the same thing while feeling the same”

My Mind answered, “But you do not hate who do not belong to your caste. ‘They’ do ! You love everyone equally !”

My heart laughed at this statement of me loving everyone equally. It asked, “Do you even love your sister as you love yourself ?” I felt insulted. I was horrified. It was not the first time in life my heart was pinching me that way. It does everytime I give it a chance ! My heart went on, “ You love everyone equally ? Do you love everyone at all let alone loving equally ? Let alone everyone, do you love atleast a few ?”

My mind said, “Enough Sai, go sleep now. No more such thoughts. Tomorrow there is a project deadline and also you have to get up early” !

My heart said, “Coward, he is protecting his caste feeling of no caste”

So, I did what I do best in such times. Surrender to my heart and asked, “What should I do now ?” . And it is then it came up with the thoughts below.

Friends, many a times in life we think of a particular quality as bad. It is purely based on our experiences and because of what we have been told is bad. So, we seem to not want that feeling. And yet knowingly or unknowingly, we do tend to exhibit the same even if we claim the absence of it. For instance, how many among us claming to have no caste feelings have put up their last names in their profiles as Iyers, Naidus, Reddys, Iyengars etc., etc., How many among us have also joined a community that represents our caste apart from joining a community that represents we have no caste feeling ?

Well, if you all haven’t, that’s great. But if a few of us have done that then that’s even greater for me ! For we have the feeling of caste although we deny it. And because we have a feeling of caste, we can also feel a sense of unity and relate to ‘OUR’ sort of people more !

And I always personally felt, that there’s no greater feeling in life, than feeling a sense of togetherness with another person. There’s no greater feeling in life than relating oneself to another person’s happiness, sorrow or any feeling of his/her. There’s no greater feeling than love for a person. And if caste can teach me that or if it requires belonging a caste to do that, then I have no objections belong to any caste ! Infact, I want a caste in such case. Not because I love caste. But because it helps me love people. It helps me relating to those people. I identify myself with them through it !

So, I decided I will have a caste and I will proudly claim it as mine. I will do everything possible required of me in maintaining that caste. I will have a caste because I want to love and be loved by people. And then I thought, if I want to love and be loved, then why restrict myself to loving and being loved by only Brahmins ? Let me belong to a caste that helps me love and be loved by everyone .

Thus began the process of me searching for a caste that will make me love all people and be loved by them. What is that caste which will make feel united with everyone and feel love for them ? What is that caste whose customs will be an antidote to all the ills of the society ? What is the superset and supreme of all castes ? Then dawned the answer !

If at all there was one caste in the world, that could make me feel united with everyone, if at all there is a caste that will awaken the feeling of love towards everyone, if at all there is one caste that will help me love everyone equally and make them feel loved, then it is the CASTE OF HUMANITY ! Yes, it is HUMANITY.

Humanity is that defining caste which will fulfill all the requirements that the customs and needs of society demands of it ! Humanity speaks the language of the heart. Humanity follows a religion called love. It sees goodness in everyone. It cares to remove the badness in everyone. It asks us to follow the customs of having compassion in our heart, care for a fellow person in our heart. It does not attach itself to names, forms or symbols. Humanity does not distinguish between people for positions of power, duty or even sharing one’s life. The only tool it knows and uses is love. It has existed every since life first took its form on the planet. It is not egoistic. It will not take lives of other people in the name of land. It will not force people to limit themselves for its realm is infinite. It is what everything a caste can be and even more. And I want to belong to it. Infact, we must belong to it ! That alone will make the customs we follow and the life we live worth it.

So, friends, let us not just promote NO CASTE FEELING for only love marriages to be successful. Let us truly belong to a caste that will bring a change in the society. A Caste better than a Caste of “no Caste feeling”. A Caste better than a Caste of “I hate Caste feeling”. A Caste called the CASTE OF HUMANITY. A Caste that will extend the boundaries of a good but limited thinking and will allow us to love everyone.

Let us all not drop or killing the feeling of caste in us. But let us use the same to expand our love to everyone. So, for all those who are in IYER community, I ask why only in IYER community ? For all those who are in REDDY or BRAHMIN community, I ask why only the Reddy or Brahmin community ? Ofcourse, Brahmins, Reddy, IYER, NAIDU everyone are good and fantastic in their own way. But if they cannot make you feel the ultimate feeling of love and togetherness with everyone and make you selfish, restricted then of what greater use are they ? Limited love is no love at all ! And false portrayal of love is a sin !

So, let us use our castes to grow. Let us act. Let us destroy our narrow minded thinking. Let us all do the right thing. Let us all make existence of love for EVERY fellow being a condition for having a caste, rather than existence of caste as a condition to love. We live but only once. So, let us make it a point to love everyone regardless of where we are born into. After all we all eat food from the same mother – Mother Earth and when she cannot distinguish between her children why do we brothers and sisters do ? Let us practice the caste she belongs to and the customs she is practicing – The Caste of Humanity !

Fate - Part I

“Poor boy, you seem to be so nice and good. Why had fate to be so cruel on you?”

“My Fate never gives what I want and it will never too”

“Whatever I ask for, Fate seems to be giving the exact opposite of it”

“Whatever is written in Fate will happen, you cannot change it” !


What does one feel when one listens to such words ? How does one feel when one talks such words ? Is Fate really that bad ? Does fate exist ? Can, what is once written as Fate/destiny by God, not be changed by anyone ?

To be honest, for reasons unknown, I was not a great believer in fate. As a child and a teenager, I never believed that God had written off for every person his/her fate at the time of his/her birth. I thought, if God had already seen the past of the person, and has also written the future of the same then there exists no purpose for him in the present !

But then as I kept growing thinking thus, experience has had a strange way of teaching me things. Like ever they give us the exams first and then teach us the lesson. :-)

So, when an old lady saw me at the Visa Interview and heard of my desire to fly high with my dreams inspite of my disability, she ended up remarking “Poor boy, you seems to be so nice and good. Why had fate to be so cruel on you ?” :-)

When my own mother was drenched in sorrow seeing the troubles ahead in store, my dad ended up comforting her saying ““Whatever is written in Fate will happen, you cannot change it”. :-)

When one of my best friends could not end up with a job what he wanted the most inspite of numerous trials, he said “Fate never gave me what I want and it never will”. :-)

I was left wondering ! I had no option but to change my opinion on Fate. Experience had taught me. I could no longer deny its existence ! And how could I too ?

When I see a 20 year old girl, who desires to study higher and see greater places, forcibly married away to a well to do boy just because its time for them to get married, how can I deny Fate’s role ?

When I see a boy who slogged day and night for the exams gathering a real good knowledge of the subject, ending up with a mere 60 % and his friend who merely copied from his paper verbatim but with a beautiful handwriting ending up with 80 %, how can I deny Fate’s role ?

Fortunately / unfortunately, when the logic of almost a billion people in our country that two people must be from same financial status, same religion, same caste & same colour in order that their marriage with each other be successful, seems to be working, how can I deny fate’s role ?

So, I have to agree that fate does exist. God does write our destinies. It seemed hard to accept, but then things certainly seem to be right that way ! And it feels good too that everything is pre decided. Feels enlightened to know that the world is a stage and I am just an actor speaking out dialogues :)

But then again, strangely a realization struck me.

Fate - Part II

I agree. The world's a stage, God our scriptwriter, i am an actor and the script my fate.

Yes, I am an actor. I am speaking out dialogues God had written for me. I am acting on a stage given by him/her. But then, if I am just an actor and this is all a drama, then why is that I am feeling those emotions so really ? If all I am doing is acting, then why is that those joys are so full of happiness to me and sorrows so painful ? Why is that I feel that the love of someone is worth dying for and hatred of someone worth killing them ? Am I not just acting ? Afterall, I know that whatever will happen.. will happen. No one can change what is written !

Why is that I am not feeling good this time around too ? Certainly something seems to be wrong even in accepting that fate determines everything :(

It is then I thought of this. “What if fate does exist, but then it exists to be changed ?” I suppose Fate gives us situations to face, but then it is we who decide how to face it ! Fate decides to give us difficulties, but it is we who can decide to make a fighting game out of it making glory for ourselves and a path for our generations to follow.

Friends, i guess, left to fate, things will only take a course for the worse. But then, if we ourselves took responsibilities for the tasks that fate gave us, would not we change our today and tomorrow for the better ? After all, we live but once. Why not live it on our conditions rather than living it at the mercy of fate ?

If fate were to exist and were to be written by God, will not God help those who help themselves ?

Friends, i guess when it comes to the end its not the nightmares we overcame successfully but then it is the dreams that we forgot to live that will haunt us. We can say that our fate is responsible for what we are but our fate in itself is dependent on our actions to change it. It is a mutual relationship for us with fate and by misunderstanding and misinterpreting it, we are letting it become a parasitic one !

So, when the old lady said to me “It is cruel of fate to have treated you so badly nice boy”, I said “It is only your love for me that makes you think that my fate was cruel. Actually my life could not have been better” :)

When my Dad comforted my Mom saying “Whatever is written in Fate will happen, we cannot change it”, I said “The troubles ahead given by our fate are looking troubles because we feel we cannot change them. The moment we believe we can change and face those troubles, we have rewritten fate which in turn will rewrite our troubles.” :)

And when my friend said “ My fate never gives what I want and it will never too”, I decided I will write this blog. :)

For those billions of my brothers and sisters who think that they are the way they are, because God has made them so, my only request for them is not to insult God with such an accusation. God could not have been so cruel and inflexible when dealing with the future of 6 billion people.

Fate gives us difficulties but waits for us to take them up as challenges. Adjust to the difficulties coming out of the choice you made, face them, live them. Face the devil. Fight till the end. Finish the game. Write your destiny. Become a legend :)

Like the great DJ of RDB once said “Zindagi jeeney kay dho tarikay hothey hain. Ek joh ho raha hain usko dekhthey jao. Chup chaap sehthay jao. Nahin tho, Jimmedhari utao usey badhalney ki. Apney kal ko behathar bananey ki”

The World's Greatest Lie.. Part - 1

AM I SETTLED OR AM I WAITING FOR DEATH ?

These days I have begun to think.. or atleast I think I have begun to think :)

Think of ? My future of course.. Think of my future because neither do I have a past to be the proudest of nor am I the Bill Gates of the present to be extremely busy and not worry of my future.. So I let the devil into my workshop and thought of finding the purpose for which I live..

It is then some strange and irritating questions hit me.. Am I living too much for the “name” that would be given when I am no longer a part of this world.. ? Have I moulded myself too much for the rules of the society ? Am I the one of those who is walking the road that has already been laid to follow ? Have I become someone who is just dreaming of a dream life rather than living a life of dreams ? And not surprisingly my mind’s answer to all those questions was “I don’t know.. why should I think of it now.. I have better things to do.. Let me surf the net for starters” but shockingly and as it always is my heart’s answer to all those questions was an YES.. A BIG YES.. !!

Now as a teenager I had been of the impression and beliefs that I will change the world.. A good academic background made me feel that I was born to be someone who will make a difference to the world's tomorrow.. A decent value system in my home and college life made me feel that a goody goody world exists outside my college gates in which i can share my feelings, knowledge and do something in order to become somene who would be proud of having lived a "memorable" life.. But as the great DJ of Rang De Basanti fame once said “ Bahar ki Duniya mein achey achey DJ pis jhaathey hain.. College dhee gate kay ess tharaf hum lifeko nachathay hain tho gate kay uus tharaf life hamko nachaathee hain.. Tim lakh lakh thay tim lakh lakh..” And how true it is !!

Believe me, I haven’t had any failures nor did I experience any ultimate scolding from anyone which has caused me any disappointment forcing me to write this blog.. I have been a part of the our country's no.1 IT Major for an year and will soon be leaving to pursue my Master's degree in one of the most presitigious universities in the U.S.. But then as I see the road ahead for me.. All I would have is a 8 a.m. to 7 p.m. Job.. a huge part of which involves waiting for the weekends, a nice little home and family that I would be desperate to go to throughout the day and when I do go in the end, all I manage and want to do is Sleep.. a routine life or should I say a life that would be waiting for its “death” under the name “Settled” !!


Well I do not mean to offend anyone here.. And if you think your life is going to be different from what I said above and you think I am definitely wrong.. well my blog ends for you here..

And for those rest who even after knowing a 22 year old, so called engineer is generally 99 % wrong in everything he states for he neither has the "experience" nor is he properly “educated”, with the practical senses of the world to be "talented", "powerful" enough to mould the world to his desired shape want to read ahead, well my second part of this article will be coming up soon..

A Humble ode to people like me..

Hmm, its been quite a few days since i contributed anything to this blog section of mine.. Don't know even if some one is reading this or whether it is like one of those infinite piles of pension papers that are put up in the Government offices waiting for someone to read and take action upon..

But who cares if anyone is reading it or not ? Neither do i wish to be a J.K. Rowling transporting you all to a magical world with my writings nor am i nurturing a desire to change the society like the Madhavan of Rang De Basanti.. I am feeling just like a five year old child who is given a mike to speak and feeling like the child who is enjoying chattering over it..

So let me proceed onto my second blog.. Well, first of all i am not writing this because i faced any difficulty or injustice somewhere.. I am not writing this wanting any support from anyone for anything.. I am writing this article just as a humble ode to all those special people like me who right from their very birth have or have been made to perceive this world differently.. I am writing this because i felt there is a need that i write about this.. I am writing this because unlike many of you all i am PHYSICALLY DISABLED.. :)

The article and the content in it is an ode purely for those physically / mentally challenged people like me..

Friends, many a times people like me may be rejected not only on the rights we deserve side of it but also as a very individual with feelings.. We may be hurt, looked down upon just because we are different on the negative side.. We may be laughed at when we take up a challenge to pursue big dreams.. We may be finding difficulties in every walk and every stage of life..

But friends, as i said in my previous blog, more than anything else i feel that every individual has 3 sides to him..
1) The person one thinks one is
2) The person others think one is and
3) The person one really is..

And yes, without any doubt we may be lagging and looked down negatively from the perception of others.. but in no way can that and should that affect the real persons in us.. We are for us and really in every true sense unique.. In every sense and every walk of life, we have an opportunity to lay a path and lead the way for others like us to follow.. Infinite difficulties may lie ahead in front of us.. But then they are infinite opportunities for us to solve and show the people who looked down on us we are special.. The crisis thrown at us are a stage for us to perform and tell others how we are better than them if not equal..

Whether it be Education/Employment/Even a simple matter of getting access to something we really and absolutely deserve.. there will be difficulties/injustice everywhere.. but then after 22 years of my existence as a disabled person i feel there is absolutely no point in shouting at the injustice and asking for equal rights..

There is absolutely no point in shouting at injustice.. Because we are shouting at the people who are normal and against the people who are normal and asking the people who are normal for equal rights.. Will this solve the problem ? Even if does, will it solve all problems of everyone permanently ? One does not feel so..

So what is the real permanent solution to this problem ? In my opinion, the first thing we can do is to accept that we are well and truly inferior to them.. To accept not to them but to ourselves.. We need to understand and digest that we are dependent on the normal individuals or society.. Else we will need to lead a frustrated life all through.. We need to keep cribbing and fighting a loosing battle that we are equal to other people in the society..

But then, we need to decide how long should we feel inferior to them ? How long should we keep facing the injustices ? How do we show the some normal people, who are biased against us, that the real person in us is special and better than them if not equal ?

Well a simple and a straight forward answer to that question would be as long as there is no internal change in the feelings of the so called normal people.. As long as their inner conscience really does not tell them every disabled person is differently abled.. And it is obvious that this is not going to happen overnight.. For nowhere in the history of humankind has change in the attitude of people taken overnight..

And what can cause that internal change ? Who will bring about it ? Shouting in blogs or forming communities or posting the injustice in human rights group will solve that particular problem at that instant.. Friends, we are only finding solutions to problems faced by people like us.. But then we have eliminate the problem itself and that too from its very roots.. We need to build a generation of people and people to come who will not pose the same problems to our children( I mean, younger ones like us) and they are left to fight for rights like us..

So it becomes obvious that the internal change in others must be brought about.. And how is that possible ? How can we bring about attitudinal changes in a person about us when we are the last and the least thing in their minds..?

Friends, i feel it is possible only by self example and through mutual help..We as an individual have to take up the problems ahead of us as a God sent gift and opportunity to excel and bring about a thought to change in others..We need to accept and face every opposition with a smile for it is nothing but something expected.. We need to build a respect for ourselves in the community of normals.. And for that respect to be built, our actions should be the cause.. Our actions, attitude and achievements by themselves should speak of how we are equal rather than our words questioning how we are not equal..

For instance, if a person is in an educational field.. let him/her put in the best effort in that.. That is self-example and now through mutual help we need to highlight that achievement.. And by mutual help i mean not only help from people like us but also through true friends who understand the real us..

The highlight and achivement of each individual may be highlighted in the local area/city/state through media or word of mouth.. And in turn each individual who has gained the respect must be made to lay the path for others like him to follow and earn respect.. Communities and forums online / committees will not solve this 100 % problem effectively.. TV will also not solve the problem as no one has enough patience and time to look at such programs and listen to their stories..

So how can we go about solving this problem of highlighing our achievements ? Again the only solution is not to look at people above us, but to people below us.. Towards people who are in a much worse position than us..

We need to find out people within our society who are in much more difficulties than us and then highlight our individual's achievement to him/her.. By highlighting the achievements, we must not only provide that individual with publicity but we must also entrust him with the responsibility of taking care of the person who is in much more distress than him.. We must encourage him/her to provide his/her own example to that person and inspire him to greater heights.. In that way, we will earn respect and begin to change attitudes..

We need to form small groups of friends in each colonies and organize activities for younger, poorer children.. As today's children are tommorrow's citizens, we need to make them love us.. Unlike their parents who hush them up when out of enthusiasm they question us why are we walking or looking differently, we need to teach through sharing love that we are normal people.. The well to do among people like us can adopt small kids and show openly to the society what we are capable of..

Apart from educational field, even in the work field we can show how different we are.. Without any doubt friends, we are gifted wth an amazing concentration.. And we only need to have a look at our fellow people, who gaze at us pathetically, for inspiration to put in that extra effort.. Their indifferent attitude again must be treated by us with a smile and should fill us with inspiration to work even more harder to eventually break that pathetic look and make that a look of pride and honour..

Emotionally too friends, lets realize that no one in the world can understand the need to respect and love a fellow being better than us.. No one can feel the need for respecting and loving a person and be loved more than us.. So, lets not fill our good qualities with hatred for the injustice meted out at us.. Let's look at it as an opportunity.. let's look at it as an inspiration.. let's look at it to be an opportunity to be an individual who has led his fellow beings to the path of dignity..

Friends, let's realize that we are born to be leaders for our future generation.. Every look faced by us, every word heard by us, every attitude faced by us in this modern era is a challenge for us.. And we need to change it for the better.. Change it through self example and mutual help..

I am sincerely thankful to everyone who has read this entire article. Sorry if i bored you all..

{ By the way, for all those of you who think these are mere words for time pass that will not bear any fruit, well friends let me share something with you all..

There are 600 crore people in this world.. But we are not going to meet all of them.. No matter how long our life is and how large our requirements.. we may at the maximum meet a few 1000 people in and around the place of our living.. And if we can change the attitude of a few erring 100 people in them, then that in itself would mean it'll be changing the world for the next generation living among those few 1000..

And as part of that i hereby would like to express that my friend has done just that.. he has through sheer hardwork and fantastic divine support of his parents and lovely friends come up in life.. He has pledged never to accept reservations that is offered to the physically handicapped and instead felt that he has offered that seat to another student of better abilities than his to take it.. And he rejected attending an interview to the IIT for his Master's program in Electrical Engineering just because it has come under the reservation category and that he was not eligible for it on merit.. But he never gave up.. Very soon, if everything goes well, on merit he will acquire admission into one of the top 15 universities in the world for obtaining his master's degree and from theron in a small way of his own actions hopes to change the world by building respect and love for people like him from people around him.. }

My First Blog - First impressions

My Dearest Friends,

A Sweet, nice friend of mine encouraged me that i start blogging for it was felt that i had a flair for writing and writing looooooong.. :)
And first of all, i dedicate this entire website and all the posts here to that friend..

Thank you for taking your precious time, effort and more importantly encouraging words to recognise a talent that may or may not exist in me in reality.. :)
So, what do i write in my first post ?

Well, its tough to write something and that too at first.. Also, considering first impression is the best impression, what do i need to write at first to attract a large audience ? :P

Tough tough choice..

Well then.. i have thought hard enough and long enough to the point of giving up blogging.. So, let me write something on making the first impression itself..

Friends,
Most of us, me including, spend our lives in creating that "good image" about ourselves on others. By image i mean an opinion of others about us and not necessarily a false impression.

But then very few realise that of all the 100 years that the other person gets to live in this good, sweet world.. he/she spends not more than an hour thinking about us unless and until his/her life is influenced by us... unless and until his/her life is totally determined in some way or the other by us.. or unless/until he/she is in true love with us..

And yet we feel and behave in a way that the whole world is thinking of us always.. We work in a way so as to impress the whole world.. For instance what is the need for me to blog now to impress you all ? As if i would immediately implement every suggestion my friend gives, i have taken to blogging.. I forget that my loving mom, dad and sis would be better people to spend my time with.. for i need not impress them and they know the true me and they are the ones i would spending three quarters of my life.. and yet i am focussed on impressing the invisible you all.. :)

And it is in that sense i believe that are three persons living in every individual..
1) A person that he/she thinks he/she is
2) A person that others think he/she is
3) A person he/she really is

All life, i believe, we are working on making others to think of us in exactly the same way we think of ourselves.. We want them to be impressed, appreciate us for what we think we are..

As a student we try to impress our teachers.. As a young friend we try impress our fellow friends.. As a worker we try to impress our project manager..
But all along we forget the most important component in the picture.. "the person we really are.. " and time and again during that nagging time between the point we close our eyes with the head on the pillow and start dreaming.. our heart talks of that component..

It forgets our toiling hard throughout the day in trying to impress others by being good throughout the day and questions why are we not following it and do what the heart wants.. It cooks us with so many questions till we say SHUT UP and wait for sleep.. !! And even those lucky few who have managed to escape the scorching of the conscience in bed by adopting an "attitude" that they are what they are and for the rest they care a damn.. well i would say, your mind would play that role in the morning when you are trying to get up.. Else, why is that we do not immediately get up from bed and enjoy our life out in the world which is faultless rather than lying asleep on bed not willing to face the world which we feel is boring, difficult and something your life will not make a difference ? Its only the fact that the bed with our eyes closed is much better than the life around us with our eyes open :)

So, is there no way out of this ? Are we doing the wrong things by not following the heart and just spending our life trying to impress everyone we meet and make them feel good about us. Are we cheating ourselves by being a person the world wants us to be and not the person what we want to be ? Are we loosing our life by living too much for the name that would be given to us when we no longer will be a part of the world ? Honestly, EVEN I DO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER !! :(

And if you do know, i am awaiting for your comments like a traveller would await oasis in a desert :)
Please help me out..

And Keep Smiling..