It was one of those nights again. My head had hit the pillow, but my eyes hadn’t hit sleep. My mind was happy for the day, but my heart kept longing. My thoughts craved for peace, but my feelings were restlessly cruel to me.
“Hey dear, I want to ask you something”, said my heart.
“Please sleep Sai ! It is almost 2:30 a.m. in the night”, said my mind.
“Should this entire life of mine suffer for my love or Should it suffer trying to forget my love – that is the question”, asked my heart ignoring what my mind had just said.
“Hmm Sai, I said sleep !”, reminded my mind.
“You have not answered my question dear”, said my heart. “Surrendering life to your love or killing your love to celebrate life – Which of the two involves lesser suffering?”, it continued.
“Well, why do you do it to yourself Sai ? Why do you do it again and again ? Your friend was right. You never let go. You just cannot move on. And anyways, why do you ask me about suffering ? What do I know of it ? Suffering is a feeling. And all feelings emanate from you and because of you”, said my mind.
“Yes, suffering certainly emanates from me. It also emanates because of me. But today, I want to reason out. I want to know as to why people suffer”, said my heart.
“Hmm, what would I know ? You ask me as if I am a scholar in suffering. All I believe is that no one wants to suffer. It just happens out of foolishness or fate.”, said my mind.
“Ohh, how interesting !”, said my heart.
“Huh ? Interesting ? What is interesting ?”,asked my mind.
“The fact that no one wants to suffer !”, said my heart.
“What is so interesting about it ?”, asked my mind.
“I felt it was the contrary. In fact, I feel people wantedly suffer. They seek suffering – day in and day out”, said my heart.
“No ways ! Unless they are crazy as you, they wouldn’t. I mean, who on earth would seek suffering and for what reasons ?”, asked my mind.
“Everyone !”, said my heart.
“Prove it !”, said my mind.
“Well dear, every day, I see parents give up their happiness to keep children happy. Every day, I see children give up their dreams to please their parents. People go to work and suffer there, not for personal fulfillment – but for the good of their family. A wife starves not for her own happiness, but to show her husband how devoted she is in her pursuit to keeping him happy. Old people suffer everyday in old age homes, not out of desire to accomplish great things in the world, but to ensure that the honour and peace of family be protected. In fact, there is suffering in everything and anything we do. Ever since the birth of humanity, pain and suffering has existed. And strangely, they have existed just for one reason”, said my heart.
“Hmm, and what is that reason ?”, asked my mind.
“Well dear, Suffering and pain existed only for one reason. They have existed as a means to express our love”, said my heart.
“What ? Pain is a means to express our love ? But why only pain and suffering ? There are other ways to express love too !”, said my mind.
“Yes dear, there are other ways too. But pain and suffering exist solely for love. If not for love, there shall be no pain nor suffering. And if not for pain or suffering, there shall be no love”, replied my heart.
“Hmm, so you say that the reason people suffer is because they love a lot ?”, said my mind.
“Yes. And remember dear, whenever you ask me to stop suffering, I just cannot. To run away from suffering is to run away from my very love itself. To give up because of pain, is to give up my true self. To stop feeling pain, is to stop existing myself”, said my heart.
“Ohh hmm, but then are you not afraid ? Does it not hurt too much ?”, asked my mind.
“Hmm, that is true. It does hurt. And i am afraid of pain. In fact, many are. Pain makes us person stop eating, sleeping, working, feeling at peace. A lot of people are frightened because, when it appears, it destroys everything that was in order before. That is why a lot of people try to stay away from pain.”, said my heart.
“Hmm, so what is the way out ?”, said my mind.
“Well, i would say that the best way to tackle pain is to think exactly the opposite. It is to surrender yourself to pain without a second thought”, said my heart.
“And what happens when you surrender yourself to such pain?”, asked my mind.
“Well, by surrendering to pain, i do not live in the constant fear of protecting myself against something unexpected. I do not keep judging people. I do not make others responsible for my happiness or blame them for my possible unhappiness. I am neither euphoric because something marvelous has happened nor depressed because something unexpected has just ruined everything. I am just carrying on my journey – forever and ever.”
“And what happens at the end of the journey ?”, asked my mind.
“I wish I knew dear !”, said my heart. “All I know is that when you have suffered a great deal, each additional pain is either unbearable or just cannot be felt. And I hope that day does not come, when I do not feel pain for my love. It means I have ceased to exist for a cause anymore”, replied my heart.