I Am A Hypocrite, By Choice - Part 1

“ Sai, I am the sort of a person, if I do not like something about someone, I tell it right on their face. I cannot be some person on the inside and someone else on the outside. That’s being hypocritic”, said one of my dearest friends during a very casual talk about an incident at his workplace.

Now, its been years since I had that talk with my friend and yet very strangely, those words had remained etched in my memory forever.

And no matter how hard I tried to bury them as just a casual talk, I never really could do it. And everyday, during the nagging time when my head hits the pillow but the sleep doesn’t hit the eye, I keep thinking and rethinking of the wisdom of those lines. And the more I think of them, the more I loose my sleep.

The loss of sleep is because my heart realizes that those words of my friend were also talking about the ‘real’ me. Infact, they were speaking about something I am not. They innately and pokingly reminded me of my ability to be some person on the inside and someone else on the outside. In short, they keep reminding me that, unlike my true friend, I AM A TOTAL HYPOCRITE.



Friends, I guess time and again in life, we come across situations and more importantly people in those situations, with whom we have a difference of opinion, difference of thoughts, difference of ideologies, difference of approach, difference of attitude, difference of culture or difference of even character.

And all along my life, I have met only two kinds of people with regard to those situations.

One kind being those who take the differences above, talk it out straight and try their very best to set right the differences. Those people are labelled as the ones who are frank, straightforward and no nonsense types when the differences are properly settled eventually. But God forbid, if the differences aren’t properly settled and if there comes no compromise solution leaving the issue contentious on forever, the very same people are labelled as ones with ‘attitude’, as people who are fussy and as trouble making people who give a damn to what others have to say.

And for the same situation, the second kind of people are those who choose to live with the differences rather than actually solving them ! They tend to take the difference in their stride and see if they can appreciate it throughout life. In short, they try and see if they can unwillingly put up the differences or even ignore it for good. And if they come out in this task successfully, they are called as simple, noble people, as diplomats, as people who see the larger picture or as people who live for the greater good. And God forbid again, if they fail to put up living with the differences and eventually burst out someday to become the first kind of persons, they are labelled as actors, back stabbers and worse as hypocrites.

And now, given the knowledge of the above, for years now, I have been left wondering as to what kind of a person should I be ? Should I be someone who is frank, straightforward and carries an attitude or Should I be someone who sees the larger picture, Someone who is for the greater good, is diplomatic and a hypocrite ?

The choice wasn’t easy. It certainly wasn’t. And strangely, it was a ‘choice’. It was a ‘choice’ of being something that I was not. It was a ‘choice’ of being someone that I did not want to be. I had made the ‘choice’.

Knowingly or unknowingly, I had decided to be someone who will live with the differences and appreciate them than express my other side. Wantedly or unwantedly, I had decided to be someone who will withhold the ‘immediate’ expression of my disagreement over any contentious issue. By choice, I decided to be a hyprocrite and give myself time to think of the differences, see the larger picture and greater good.

The question though now remains – Was my choice correct ? If yes, then why is that those words of my friend have left me sleepless for hundreds of nights now ! And also, how long should I be a hypocrite ?

- To be continued -